A New Job
I started my new job today as the
My Greatest Shame
Last Monday, I drove into the
So we had lunch, watched the movie, and returned to the car. Much to my surprise, there was a giant neon orange sticker affixed to my driver’s side window that read, “This is your final warning. Your license plate number has been recorded, and your vehicle will be towed if you park here again.” Something to that effect.
Needless to say, I freaked out. The sticker was essentially glued to my window, so I couldn’t get it off. I was worried that my car would be towed if I parked on the street; Ben assured me that the wording meant that my car would only be absconded if I parked in that particular lot again (I had never parked there before, so my final warning was my first warning). So I drove home and tried to peel off the sticker, but it wouldn’t come off. It glared at me like a scarlet letter on my soul. I finally located a razorblade and scraped it off, much to my relief.
Here’s the thing: Why put such an adhesive on anyone’s car? Sure, technically I was parking in someone else’s space. But I got into the garage, meaning I must have used the entry card of someone in the building to get in. And there was literally one other car there in a lot that fit 30 cars. All they had to do is put a little slip of paper on my dashboard that said that I’m not allowed to park there. Perhaps I wouldn’t have taken that as seriously, but a sticker like that is much more likely to really piss someone off—I’m not an angry man, and I was pretty peeved. Regardless, I was just happy to scrape off the last piece of my greatest shame.
Peel Onion Peel
The movie that Ben and I were going to see that fateful Monday was Ben Affleck’s Gone Baby Gone. The premise is very simple: A Boston-area girl goes missing, and Casey Affleck and his girlfriend are hired to find her. Simple, right? But not since The Prestige, my favorite movie of 2006, have I watched a movie that unfolded and unfolded as much as Gone Baby Gone did. Early on in the movie, I could tell that I was watching a solid detective story, but I didn’t think I would emotionally connect with it as much as I did by the end of the movie. You will be moved, touched, and shaken by this movie.
A Court Reporter for My Life
Do you ever have a great idea, but no way to write it down? Or maybe you make a spontaneously hilarious joke, but you can’t remember it later? Perhaps you often make brash claims and predictions that you’d like to refer to later when they come true?
You need a court reporter for your life.
Rather, sometimes I think I do. How much do court reporters cost? I have no idea. I spent 45 seconds researching that question on the internet and couldn’t find an answer, so I’ll just assume that there’s no information out there about court reporter pay scales. Regardless, it would be awesome to have someone follow me around all day and record everything I said and everything that was said to me. The transcript would be extremely useful for playing back conversations between Caroline and me so that we could know who was right or wrong: “May I refer to June 13, 2006, when you stated—with no intended sarcasm or irony—that if you ‘ever don’t come to a complete stop at a stop sign,’ you’ll ‘sever your own arm and give yourself the finger.’
Almost Too Enchanted
Fly Me a River