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August 13th, 2007 - Irruminations

Date: 2007-08-13 17:26
Subject: Flushed Away
Security: Public

Over the past month or so, I’ve noticed that the in toilet Stall #1 in one of my building’s bathrooms is inevitably occupied by feces by mid-afternoon. The toilet sits like that, unchanged and unused, for the rest of the day, every day. I assumed that the perpetrator (we’ll call him the Pooppeteer) doesn’t flush because he’s worried that the toilet will overflow. But today, spurred by the realization that the excrement releases unhealthy bacteria into the air, I extended my leg into Stall #1, pointed my toe, and depressed the flusher. I turned away, shielding my face from the airborne poop particles, and when I looked back, the flush had been successful.


Needless to say, this drew my ire.


There’s some guy in my building who just doesn’t flush. He poops, and then he gets outta there. Who does that?!


I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps when he was potty trained, the lessons didn’t involve flushing. Perhaps he’s never flushed. So I will be his teacher. I will be Michelle Pfeiffer to his angry black kid who learns that poetry is just another way to rap. I will be the wing beneath his wings.


Thus, I created and posted this to the back of the stall door. It’s been up there for a few hours—I just checked, and it’s still there. May it be a lesson to us all.

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Date: 2007-08-13 23:29
Subject: Pepsi Ice Cucumber: The Package Arrives
Security: Public

On August 1, I ordered two bottles of Pepsi Ice Cucumber from Sapporo, Japan. To my delight, those bottles arrived today. The bottles look exactly like this photo, only bigger. The liquid is a watery green color. As a coworker observed, it looks like mouthwash.

My first thought (before opening the bottle): Pepsi could sell this in America. Pump a few nutrients into it (“Enriched with Vitamins B and C!”) and market it as a healthy soda. Coke’s doing it. But Coke’s doing it with brown soda. Ice Cucumber actually looks like it might do my body good. And not just the liquid. The bottle itself is designed to look like a shapely woman’s body (albeit an armless, legless body).

The taste: Most of my coworkers tried it. The conclusion: Not bad. It didn’t taste like mouthwash. Rather, in my opinion, it smells like cucumber and tastes of melon. One coworker compared it to Sprite, which is pretty accurate. It has a slightly different sweetness to it, but that’s probably because foreign sodas use sugar cane instead of the dreaded corn syrup.

All in all, I’d recommend it. I’m going to savor one bottle (if you’re in town and would like to try it, let me know. Or just get one on eBay) and save the other one for later. Maybe someday we’ll see Pepsi give it a try in the States.

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my journal
December 2007