July 9th, 2007

Pet Peeves Part 1

 1.     One-word text messages that don't add anything to the “conversation”

Here's how the average text message session with Caroline goes:

Caroline: Hey, can you pick up some celery for me? [Thankfully, Caroline doesn't use inane abbreviations like “u” and “4.”]

Jamey: Sure, got it.

Caroline: Thanks!

Okay, I appreciate the gratitude, but that's 10 cents! That adds up! Do you know how much celery I pick up for this woman?!

  2.    Bluetooth earpieces

This little piece of technology has caused me much confusion. I'm sure this has happened to you. You're in the produce section of the grocery store, deciding how much celery to buy for your girlfriend, and the person next to you says, “I wish I was in New York. Manhattan grocery stores have much more interesting vegetables.”

Perhaps you turn to the person, catch their eye, wonder if they're talking to you. But then you realize that there's a little futuristic plastic thing in their ear that makes them look like a Borg. They're talking on the phone. These people think they're so cool—look at what they can do with their free hand! They can pick up two different vegetables at the same time! They can do pull ups! They can make a cat's cradle! I'll stick with the balancing act of steering a grocery cart with one hand, thank you very much.

I'm sure someday we'll all have Bluetooth earpieces installed at birth. Until that day, or until an earpiece comes free with a cell phone I buy, I will give those people condescending looks and continue about my business.

Tomorrow: Pet Peeves Part 2